The room felt impossibly still as my doctor’s words hung in the air: the margins were not clean. In that moment, time seemed to slow, and I could feel the weight of a decision pressing down on me—one that would change my body, my future, and how I would move forward from cancer. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I first had a lumpectomy. Like so many women, I was hoping that would be the end of it.
But when the pathology came back, the margins were not clean.
The next conversation was one I will never forget. I was given the option of having another lumpectomy, but something inside me told me I did not want to keep going back into surgery, waiting again, wondering again, and hoping again that this time the news would be different. I remember sitting in the quiet exam room, the faint hum of fluorescent lights overhead, feeling a heaviness settle in my chest as I realized I needed to choose a different path.
I made the decision to have a mastectomy.
It was not an easy decision. There is nothing casual about choosing to remove a breast. It is personal. It is emotional. It changes how you see your body, your future, and sometimes even your sense of self.
But for me, it was also a decision about peace of mind.
I wanted to make the strongest decision I could with the information I had. I did not want to live in a cycle of “what ifs.” I wanted to feel that I had done everything I reasonably could to move forward with confidence.
When I told my surgeon what I had decided, she looked at me and said, “How do you get so smart?” I have never forgotten that.
Not because I think there is one “smart” choice for every woman facing breast cancer. There isn’t. Every diagnosis is different. Every body is different. Every woman has her own medical circumstances, fears, priorities, and support system.
But I do believe there is wisdom in listening to yourself.
Sometimes strength is not about pushing through the easiest option. Sometimes it is about being honest about what you need in order to feel safe, whole, and able to move ahead.
My mastectomy was a major surgery, followed by immediate reconstruction. The surgery itself lasted twelve hours, and I was told it took one hour just to position my body correctly. I chose a “back flap” reconstruction, where tissue is taken from the back rather than the stomach. It was a decision I made because I did not want to look at a scar on my stomach every day.
That choice came with a very long recovery and extensive rehabilitation. It was not easy. There were moments of exhaustion, frustration, and vulnerability. I can still remember the stiffness in my back as I tried to sit up for the first time, the slow, careful breaths as my body adjusted to its new reality. But even in those moments, I knew I had made the decision that felt right for me.
It was a long road. But it was my road.
For any woman facing a difficult breast cancer decision, I want you to know this: you are allowed to ask questions. You are allowed to get a second opinion. You are allowed to take a breath before deciding. And you are allowed to choose the path that gives you the greatest sense of clarity and peace.
Your body. Your life. Your decision.
And sometimes, the smartest thing you can do is trust yourself.